Friday, June 7, 2013

Spoiler Alert: Star Trek Into Darkness

THOSE LIPS IN HD HAVE MERCY

I'm writing this review right now, and I still haven't decided if there is even anything worth saying about this movie other than


WHAT


IS


AIR

I'm going to be honest - the plot was pretty much irrelevant for me. I would pay upwards of $100 to watch Benedict Cumberbatch sit in a chair and stretch out his neck. To see him running around in tight pants for over 2 glorious hours, occasionally GROWLING??? I might have been distracted. 

BLESS YOU, J.J. ABRAMS, FOR MAKING AN ENTIRE FILM OF SUPER TIGHT SHOTS OF FACES. GLORIOUS HIGH DEFINITION FACES. BLESS IT. BLESS IT. BLESS IT.

asdfghjkl;


There were other people in this movie. I'm almost positive. They did a lot of running and shooting. There was a lot of smoke coming out of the engine room on the ship at one point. There was Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine at times. One of them died, but then came back to life, even though it would have been way more dramatic to keep him dead and cryogenically frozen next to Benedict Cumberbatch. That sounds like a pretty spectacular way to spend a few hundred years. Did you guys know that Benedict Cumberbatch is in this movie? It's a highlight, not gonna lie.

PANTS

Does it really matter to you what the true identity of John Harrison is? You can go ahead and google that information. What I'm here to share with you is so much more meaningful than that. I'm here to conveniently provide you with various photos from the interweb of Benedict's face, because that is the high selling point of this film, TRUST. There will never be enough stills. Let's move on to gifs.


Look at this stone cold acting machine. THOSE ARE REAL TEARS. BELIEVE THAT. HE CRIED FOR YOU, MAN. THIS LOVE IS REAL.


HAIR. EYES. MOUTH. WHAT IS HAPPENING.


Oh. Okay, sure. What would you like to start with?



Um.

I have to go.



1 comment:

  1. this entry is my new scripture.

    also karl urban.

    from, your friend's sister

    ReplyDelete