Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Actual Conversations: The Husband, 04/22/12, 9:35 a.m.

Him: I'm going to make pancakes for breakfast. Do you think I can do that? I can do it.

Me: Um...I think that over time, you could learn to make pancakes.

Him: What do you mean by that? Over time. I'm going to make pancakes.

{several minutes pass}

Him: Do I need a recipe, or can I just make it up as I go along?

Him: Is there any white vinegar in here?

Him: Does it matter if I use salted or unsalted butter? Because I'm only seeing unsalted butter.

{the children enter the kitchen, asking to "help"}

Him: WHY IS EVERYONE YELLING???

{ten minutes pass; he enters the family room}

Him: You don't spend, like, all day with these animals, right? Surely you leave the house or read or something?

{a few more minutes pass}

The Girl: We should have never put in that vinegar because it smells horrible.

Him: Okay, are you ready to make some pancakes?

The Boy: I WANT WATER.

The Girl: Oh, and remember the syrup!

Him: DON'T TOUCH THAT.

{five minutes later}

Him: Okay...are you ready to make some pancakes?

{three minutes later}

The Girl: Hey mom. Dad's making the pancakes. We're having a water break.

{four minutes later}

The Girl: Why are you making them mini? Why don't you like to make big pancakes?

{he enters the family room}

Him: If these are, in fact, delicious, and they smell like they are, I will expect some emotional recompense.

Me: What do you mean?

Him: You were a hater and a doubter.

Me: Are you in here talking to me while there are pancakes on the griddle?

Him: <side eye>

{several more minutes pass}

The Boy: We need to put these in the oven?

Him: No, we don't put these in the oven.

The Boy: You making pancakes?

Him: Yes. These are pancakes.

The Boy: What you making for dinner?

{he enters the family room}

Him: Okay. You can join the family now.

Him: Wait...was I supposed to put salt in these?

10:35 a.m. - We eat pancakes. They are tasty.

The Girl: These are good, Daddy. They taste just like Mommy's.

10:45 a.m.

Him: Hey. Remember that time that I made pancakes? That was awesome.



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