I'm not sure if I was always like this, and I just never realized it, or if something has shifted since having kids. But. I do not operate normally in social situations any more. At all.
I am generally freaked out by large groups of strangers. I avoid eye contact. I either say barely enough to be socially acceptable, or spew entirely too much in a short amount of time.
What is this about??? WHY AM I SO SOCIALLY AWKWARD?????
Last night was the girl's open house at her preschool. It was at night, which in itself had it's challenges. The kids were tired, and now they were being thrust into a sea of over-excited 3 and 4-year-olds, jacked up on munchkin donuts and apple juice. There were tons of people there, and it was quite loud. It did not help matters that the husband was M.I.A., having the piss poor excuse of BEING ON AN AIRPLANE ON HIS WAY HOME FROM A BUSINESS MEETING. I mean. Get it together, man. So I was left to navigate these waters on my own.
It was not a good scene for me. I didn't even remember to introduce myself to the girl's teacher.
A mom came up and started talking to me, and in my mind I was all, WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS LET'S BE FRIENDS LET'S HANG OUT YOU LIVE RIGHT NEAR ME AND YOU SEEM NORMAL OMG OMG OMG. And I don't even remember but I'm pretty sure I was like, "WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ON THE STATE OF OUR COUNTRY FIGHT THE MAN BRING DOWN THE SYSTEM OH YOU WORK OUT AT THE Y ME TOO NO J/K I DON'T EVEN LIKE TO EXERCISE I LIKE TO KNIT OH YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I LIVE LET ME JUST START LISTING EVERY VISUAL MARKER THAT I CAN THINK OF OH YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT UM I ENJOY THE LIBRARY DID YOU KNOW THEY OFFER MANY PROGRAMS FOR PRESCHOOL AGED KIDS OH YOU'VE GOT TO WALK OVER THERE NOW THAT'S COOL IT WAS NICE TO TALK TO YOU TOO BYE."
I have problems okay. They're not pretty. And I don't know what to do about it.
The one thing that made me feel a little better is that the girl has a new friend at school, and the two of them were playing for a bit and it was really cute. And this girl's parents were just standing there smiling and staring at the girls playing, and so was I, and we made eye contact and we nodded that nod, like, "Yes. Our kids are normal. Let's not ruin this by speaking to each other." We just knew.
That's the kind of place that I'm at right now. Smile and wave, and don't let them know you're a grown woman who is suddenly totes insecure about talking to other people.
We should totally be friends.