Friday, September 2, 2011

Spoiler Alert: Dinner For Schmucks

GUESS WHAT'S FOR DINNER?!?!?

I almost didn't write this review, because I am honestly sorry that I watched this movie. But if I can prevent just one person from sitting through 114 minutes of painfully overdone schtick, it will be worth it.

So. The premise. Paul Rudd works for a soulless corporation. He wants to move up the ladder. He tries to impress his boss and gets a chance to move up to the coveted 7th floor, IF he attends a dinner party that his boss is hosting. No prob. BUT WAIT THERE'S A CATCH YOU GUYS. Everyone brings along a guest. COOL. NO WAIT! THERE'S ANOTHER CATCH. This person that you bring must be a spectacular idiot. Because the boss likes to make fun of people. Wah-waaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Paul Rudd is like, "Wait. That's kind of mean. But I really want this promotion because I'm in love with this woman that has an unnervingly annoying accent who of course is an art curator, and I keep asking her to marry me and she keeps saying no, WHICH IS PROBABLY A BAD SIGN BUT OKAY WE'RE GOING TO IGNORE THAT PLOT POINT, so I've just got to suck it up and find a weirdo and impress this douchebag!"

Only his girlfriend with the unnervingly annoying accent (Like seriously, where is this woman from? She's obviously French, but she sounds like a French person that moved to Detroit when they were 12 and is just kind of confused.) thinks that THIS PLAN SOUNDS MEAN. AND THE PAUL RUDD THAT SHE KNOWS WOULD NEVER BE MEAN LIKE THAT.

Only Paul Rudd is a closeted mean boy AND HE DON'T CARE HE WANTS THAT PROMOTION.

After waffling and getting his assistant (Kristen Schaal!!! I LOVE YOU.) to try to cancel the dinner plans, FATE STEPS IN. He hits Steve Carell with his car. And then he learns that Steve Carell is a taxidermist who recreates works of art with dead mice. And this decidedly makes him an idiot, so Paul Rudd invites him to dinner. Wah-waaaaaaaaaaah.

Don't fuck with The Jesus.

I'm not sure if I can even go on from here. I mean. It's just one incredibly annoyingly cliched situation after another from here on out. Steve Carell shows up at Paul Rudd's apartment. He accidentally chats with Paul Rudd's stalker online (WHAT ARE THE CHANCES), telling her to come over. Paul Rudd freaks his freak. Steve Carell tries to intercept her, but mistakes Paul Rudd's girlfriend for the stalker, making her storm away angry. Then the stalker chick shows up and it's just uncomfortable to watch. Just ridiculous physical comedy and a sequence that was entirely too long. WHY.

The only positive thing about this movie was the performance delivered by Jemaine Clement, whom you are sure to recognize as one half of the genius Flight of the Conchords. He plays the crazy artiste that Paul Rudd's girlfriend works for, and he was awesome.

GOATS.

GUESS WHAT WE LEARN. Steve Carell is a good person, you guys. Even if he is a little eccentric, that doesn't make him someone you can just trash talk about. HE HAS FEELINGS, AND PAUL RUDD KNOWS THIS NOW. HIS BAD.

I need to ask a general question now. What is the deal with comedy directors making one or two REALLY great and REALLY funny movies, and then peddling on through life producing shitball after shitball film. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Do they stop being funny? Do they stop caring if something is funny or not? Are they being forced to make this garbage by some form of unbreakable contractual obligation?

Jay Roach Timeline of Suck:
1997 - Austin Powers - This was a funny movie at the time.
1999 - Austin Powers 2 - This was a pretty funny movie at the time.
2000 - Meet The Parents - This is still a pretty funny movie.
2002 - Austin Powers 3 - This is where you begin to go awry.
2004 - Meet the Fockers - This movie was not that funny.
2010 - Dinner for Schmucks - This movie blows.
2012 - Southern Rivals - This movie stars Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis, and if your intention is for it to be funny, you should have made it 8 years ago.

The husband and I did enjoy watching the blooper reel, though. Which is the ultimate diss for a movie, I would think. In short, this was not a good movie. At all. 

I can't help you, man. Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Stats:

Number of times I regaled my husband with the tale of the time I met Paul Rudd in 2001, and he said he would "never again do a movie just for the paycheck": 1

Number of times that I believe Paul Rudd was not honest with himself when he said this: 1

Number of overdone "comedic" scenarios used, all of which have been proven time and again to be decidedly unfunny: At least 12, but I stopped counting after the stalker chick destroyed Paul Rudd's expensive car.

I have so many questions. Like, where even did that blunt object come from?  And why did he let her destroy his Porche for like 10 full minutes? And who edited this piece of shit? I could have shaved AT LEAST 30 minutes from this thing.

Suggestions for titles of any potential sequels: "Breakfast for Buttheads"
                                                                     "Lunch for Losers"
                                                                     "Snacks for Suckers"
                                                                     "Dinner for Schmucks 2: Who Wants Dessert?"

Final Assessment: I genuinely regret watching this. MEH.





2 comments:

  1. This movie made my brain cry. Such a waste.....SUCH a waste...

    ReplyDelete
  2. The French movie that they ripped off is way better. The Dinner Game.

    ReplyDelete