Monday, July 18, 2011

Spoiler Alert: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2



If you haven't seen it by now, I'll be sure to take up a lot of space with general things so that you can quickly look away in case the title of this post was not clear enough (I mean could I be much clearer? I'll be talking about details from the movie okay.), and I will also let you know that I can't believe you haven't seen it yet I mean it's been three whole days like what are you waiting for IT'S HARRY FREAKING POTTER. Please don't play like this isn't the most important thing that will ever happen in your lifetime. DON'T. EVEN. FRONT.

In a way, there isn't much that you can say about it. I mean, it's the end. The end of everything.This whole saga just seems like it was always there, even if only peripherally, for what, the last 14 years? And now it's just over.

D E P R E S S I O N.

I had a conversation with the husband about it, and he asked if this whole Harry Potter thing was really such a big deal. For me, the first book came out just as I was getting ready to start college. For me, I was an adult as I waited patiently for the delivery of my pre-ordered copies from amazon to arrive on the doorstep of our apartment. For me, it was a much different kind of excitement and love.

But I reminded him that for some people, for many people, it's a much different kind of relationsip with the story. Imagine being 7 years old in 1997 when the first book was published. Imagine that these books were the ones that your parents read to you every night before you fell asleep. Imagine that by the time you were 10 years old, you were lining up at midnight to be one of the first to get a copy of the next part of the adventure. Imagine that you gathered with friends to watch the midnight showing of all of the movies, sometimes dressed as your favorite character. Imagine that now you are 21 years old, and all of that is over, and now you are grown, and for the first time, you're feeling it. The story that was woven throughout your entire childhood and adolecense is finished, and now here you sit, older. Grown. Done.

So yes, it's a big deal. And to some people, it's THE BIGGEST DEAL OF THEIR LIFE. Our generation has nothing to compare it to. Not even Star Wars is the same.

I SAID IT. NOT EVEN STAR WARS.

The movie was thrilling. I definitely had anxiety leading up to it, because you know, you know what's going to happen. And you're not sure if you want to see it happen. Because then it will have happened.

I knew I was going to cry. I mean, come on. But I had no idea that I was going to sob.

SNAPE. OHMYGOD. I couldn't handle it. HE LOVED HARRY'S MOM YOU GUYS. HE FOR REALS LOVED HER. AND SHE KIND OF KNEW IT AND MAYBE SHE LOVED HIM TOO. 

D E P R E S S I O N.

So here are some things about the film. I tried to keep within timeline but it was three days ago so gimme a break. Also, I like lists, okay.

~The guy who played Griphook was awesome. That whole scene between him and Harry (with Romione in the background – like really, just following Harry from room to room and offering nothing to the conversation. WHY.) talking about the vault break-in/sword was perfection.

~Ollivander. You crazy, bro.

~Can someone give Helena Bonham Carter an award for this I MEAN GODDAMN. She was perfection as Hermione as Bellatrix. The awkward stumbling was flawless.

~Gringotts. The scene that made me thankful that I was not seeing this in 3D. I for sure would have gotten motion sickness. I'm pretty sure that we can all agree that this was the most amazing part, visually speaking. I ACTUALLY FELT BAD FOR THAT DRAGON I MEAN HIS WINGS WERE PAPER THIN. Making me care about mythical creatures.

~That awkward moment when you think you're excited to see Harry and Ron shirtless and then you remember that they're British and so insanely white that it blinds you momentarily and the best part about that scene is actually Hermione's two seconds of cleavage.

~Sadness over the omission of much of the Dumbledore backstory. I realize we need to cut things out for length, but I feel like it's pretty important to really get that Dumbledore screwed over his family big time, much like he screwed over Snape and, you know, HARRY.

~When Neville came through the picture, I was like HELLO. IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

~Professor McGonagall. YOU GO, GUUUURL.

~Dat Bitch from Slytherin – IN THE DUNGEON WITH YE.

~Hey guys, remember “Potterwatch”? IT WAS APPARENTLY IRRELEVANT.

~Hey guys, remember that time that RON AND HERMIONE KISSED UNDER A SURGE OF WATER AFTER THEY DESTROYED THAT HORCRUX? THAT WAS A GOOD TIME.

~Hey guys, remember how irrelevant to everything it is that Harry is with Ginny? ME TOO.

~Oh, hai Order of the Phoenix. Thanks for just appearing out of nowhere. Again, I realize we need to be choppy-choppy because this book is so long and so fucking awesome, but really...YOU DIDN'T EVEN COVER TONKS AND LUPIN AND THERE WAS ONE BRIEF MENTION OF TEDDY AT THE END THERE I MEAN COME ON NOW.

~Battle scenes were pretty cool. That's really all I have to offer on that.

~Luna. You are the smartest and greatest of all times. But there is no need to be cryptic right now, I mean, your whole school is kind of under attack. Just say The Grey Lady and let's move on.

~I was extremely dissapointed with the non-involvement of Draco in this film. Part of it is that I LOVE DRACO, but mostly, it just left his character flat and with no resolution. The scene in the Room of Requirement was the typical, “WHAT UP POTTER. JUST ME AND MY GOONS HERE TO MAKE YOUR QUEST 25% MORE DIFFICULT. WHAT OF IT.” It was ok, but at that point I was like, “They had better make up for this later.” SPOILER ALERT: THEY DIDN'T MAKE UP FOR IT LATER.

~Can we talk for one more second about that time that Ron and Hermione kissed under that surge of water after they destroyed that horcrux? Pretty badass first kiss I'm just saying. I noticed a few reviews complaining that Harry wasn't there, but um are you forgetting that he is the ultimate cockblock of all times? Okay then.

I ship them so hard you guys.

~I loved the whole bit with Neville trying to protect the bridge. I mean. He could not be cuter.

~When Harry had to look into Voldemort to find out where he was, and then he was all, “IT'S NAGINI YOU GUYS”...swoonworthy Harry moment. I think it was the fact that his face was all dirty and his bangs were slightly singed from that time just before when he had to fly himself and Draco out of the Room of Requirement because THAT SHIT WAS ON FIRE YO.

~Lucius sucks man. I greatly enjoyed that in the end, they really showcased that he was a total coward.

~I really don't think I can even talk about the part when Snape gets killed. ALL OF THE AWARDS FOR ALAN RICKMAN. I'll mention it one more time – I SOBBED. I really can't even go on about it because I can feel myself getting emotional again.

~That awkward moment when the vial holding two (2) of Snape's tears is suddenly a medical grade test tube filled with liquid when you pour it into the pensieve.

~Flashbacks. I can't. SAFE TO SAY I CRIED OKAY. SAFE TO SAY I CRIED.

~Just a small interjection to say that I can't believe they never touched upon the fact that Harry's dad was such a jerk to Severus. I mean. Kind of important to the whole Snape story. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW.

~That awkward moment when you're Harry Potter and you have discovered that to end it all you need to let Voldemort kill you, and you go and tell your two best friends in the world, and you hug Hermione, and you don't even give Ron a pound or anything, and also YOU DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FINDING GINNY WHO YOU ARE ALLEGELY IN LOVE WITH. So many problems with all of this.

Sidebar: I feel like this is a pretty popular opinion within fandom, but I would just like to state that not only have a I never understood why Harry and Ginny would ever possibly end up together, I also do not like Ginny. At all. She has absolutely ZERO character development in the books and is beyond bland in the movies. I personally always thought that Harry should end up with Luna. The scene from Order of the Phoenix when Harry and Luna are talking about the thestrals? COME ON YOU GUYS. It's ok. You can be honest with yourself. Ginny is lame.

~While I was somewhat glad that the major deaths were glossed over, having just been emotionally destroyed by the whole Snape thing, I was kind of angry that they would treat these three major characters dying as just part of the epic casualty. FREEEEEEEEEEED. I was literally bracing myself for weeks over the fact that I was going to have to watch him die, and when it turned out that I didn't have to see it, I somehow felt cheated. He deserved for me to cry separately for him. HE DID.

~TONKS AND LUPIN'S DEAD HANDS STRETCHING FOR EACH OTHER. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

~The woods. The Resurrection Stone. I CAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T. More tearing up involved. Nothing to see here. “Always.”

~The scene with Dumbledore in the in-between place was pretty cool. I do remember possibly complaining that Harry was supposed to be naked and that I felt cheated somehow, but then I remembered his pasty, hairy chest and I felt a twinge of thankfullness that he was wearing a teeshirt and sneakers.

~Okay, I remember something in the book with Draco's mom pretending that Harry was dead – like, that was somehow a much bigger deal than they made it in the film. Help me out. Was it just that she was thinking “What if this was Draco?” In any event, I felt like it should have been more than it was.

~I feel like I should be talking about Ron more, because he is my favorite. Ron, Ron, Ron. You are cute. I enjoy looking at you. I don't think I have much more to elaborate on with this point.


I have feelings about this wizard.

~Ginny, you are the worst. For real. I mean, I know you screamed and maybe cried a little, but I'm just not buying it, okay?

~This part with Draco killed me. I felt like there was more of a buildup in the book, like when he decides to go with his parents and Voldemort, you just feel betrayed, like there was a part of him that was good that he had showed at one point. But this was just weakbone. DID NOT LIKE.

~Neville Longbottom and your cardigan sweater, the biggest BAMF of the Wizarding World walking with a gangsta lean cause your leg is all jacked up, but that ain't no thing cause nobody knows that you are concealing the Sword of Gryffindor so you can show Nagini what is what and save the day I mean. On my house, on my job, on my loot, shoes, my shirt, my crew, my mind, my father's last name WHEN I GET YOU ALONE.


Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

~Neville and Ginny. I might not have minded that outcome. If, you know, she had any discernable personality traits.

~”Let's finish this the way we started it. TOGETHER.” BADASS.

~That whole final fight was pretty much the badassest fight of all times.

~We can all agree that Mollly Weasly is the greatest mama of all times and that she had the best line of the film, right? Just checking.


I ganked this image from Tumblr, where it is impossible to know who made it.
But whoever you are, thank you.

~Neville and Luna. Okay, it was cuteness. I just want Neville to be loved, and if it means that Harry has to end up with most boring girl of all times, SO BE IT.

~Best aside from the husband:
*Harry snaps the Elder Wand in half.*
The husband: “Umm...repairo. Right?”

~The bit on the bridge was cute. Then there was that fadeout and for a moment I was like DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT THIS IS THE END OF THE MOVIE BECAUSE I WILL CUT SOMEONE.

~That awkward flash forward later when you kind of wish that the scene on the bridge had been the last scene because it was JUST. SO. RIDICULOUS.


RIDIKULOUS OVERLOADIKUS. Just take a good long look at that hairpiece.
THIS IS YOUR FUTURE, HARRY POTTER. SO SORRY, MAN.

~The age makeup. WAS. LAUGHABLE. If I look like that in five years, just let me skulk into the woods and die like the badger that I am. Everyone looked freaking ridiculous and it made me hate the ending. Is 37 really full of grey bags under your eyes and tons of wrinkles and basically looking elderly??? ACCIO FACELIFT.


I don't think I have anything else I'd like to say. I'm sure I'll remember something as soon as I post this and it will be something that I really felt like mentioning, but right now, I'm just lucky that I had enough in me to remember this much. I do have two kids, you know. And I don't care what science says, having children ruins your capacity to remember things.

In closing, HARRY POTTER FRANCHISE. I AM SAD TO SEE YOU END. THANK YOU FOR 14 YEARS OF BEAUTIFUL ESCAPE. I WILL CARRY YOU WITH ME ALWAYS.

3 comments:

  1. Dude, that was amazeballs.

    I agree with everything. EVERYTHING.

    And you know another time when I got all choked up? When the professors were going around casting enchantments to protect Hogwarts. I don't know why, but it got me. In fact, I'm getting misty just thinking about it. UGH. WHY.

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  2. @Amanda B.

    I can finally reply to comments, so to reply to your comment, YES I ALSO GOT MISTY WHEN THE PROFESSORS WERE PROTECTING EVERYONE. This movie. BEST EVER.

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  3. Wild. While I am with Adrian in questioning why this movie/this series/this story is so darn popular, I have also come to understand that I don't understand.

    I'm not saying it shouldn't be popular, I'm just saying I don't quite get it why it is and that not getting it is just where I am going to have to live. Because it obviously is, and it is on a much deeper level than other things that I would normally be snarky about. (*Twilight* comes to mind).

    When we had about two months until the 7th book came out, I read all the previous ones and then bought the 7th the weekend it came out.

    I tried to watch the first movie when I had the flu, once. I was completely annoyed by it.

    That's my Potter experience. It is incomplete, and I am never going to understand.

    But I refuse to ruin the fun for others -- ROCK OUT WIZARD NERDS.

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