Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Actual Conversations: The Husband, 07/13/11, 4:30 a.m.

Him: Uh...honey?

Me: Meerhjshgsu

Him: I need you to be awake a little bit.

Me: Yes.

Him: I'm not sure how to tell you this without you freaking out, but there is a bat.

Me: Like, in our bedroom?

Him: Yes.

Me: Okay. *pulls covers over head*

Here is a list of things that do not happen immediately after a bat appears in your bedroom, and which I am still completely disappointed by:

1. Christian Bale does not appear dressed as Batman. In fact, he does not appear at all.

2. You do not feel a sense of safety with regards to the structural integrity of your home. The bat had to get in there from somewhere, and as there are no open windows or doors, this means it either came from the floorboards or you have a vampire living in your closet.

3. Edward Cullen does not appear dressed as Batman. In fact, he does not appear at all. While I am fully aware that there are no bats involved in his story in any capacity, it would be nice to think that if there was a vampire watching me sleep every night that it was him.

Also, when your husband tells you that the bat may or may not have exited through the front door, but he can't be sure because he didn't see it happen, so it's either gone or it's sleeping under a piece of furniture, but don't worry because it won't come out because it's daytime, you tend to, you know, WORRY.

In closing, I have been awake since 4:30 this morning, I still have not had coffee, and I'm afraid that a tiny rat with wings is sleeping underneath where I am sitting on the couch, just waiting to make its move.

It would be pretty awesome if it was Edward Cullen, though.

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